Say No To Respect the Yes

"Saying NO (politely) may be uncomfortable for a few minutes, but saying YES may plaque you for hours, days and sometime months."

(I heard it somewhere J)

From Imperative Blog

I, like you, am asked to do things all the time - by my friends, coworkers, boss, neighbors...the list goes on. Sometimes, without taking a second to think about it, I say yes. I say yes, even when the answer is no.

I fully understand the difficulty of trying to please, since I feel an innate pressure to say "yes" to others, especially at work-often at the expense of my own needs.

But there are times it's easy to say no. For example, if I'm leaving the office to catch a flight and a coworker asks for my help, there's a solid chance I'm going to say no. I won't feel bad because I am committed to being on time for my flight.

But if a coworker asks you for your help when you have nowhere to be, what would you say? Even if I had a major deadline or a lot of work, I would set aside time to help my coworker, or feel guilty if I didn't. After all, I don't want to be considered rude or unhelpful.

When I habitually say "yes" to everyone else, the inevitable happens: I overcommit.  I disappoint myself and others and feel guilty about my choices. Saying "yes" to too many opportunities, too many projects, and too many people is a recipe for failure.

The good news is, you have more control than you might believe. No matter how much pressure you feel to make others happy, saying "yes" and saying "no" are choices you make.

What could I say to my coworker instead? Try this one: "I'm sorry, but I don't have time to do that because I'm committed to the project in front of me. If you still need me once I've completed it, I'd be happy to help."

The key is to commit yourself to your previous "yes;" whether you need to catch a flight or finish your own work before lending a hand. You have to respect the "yes" of your own work, the "yes" of your own time, and the "yes" of your schedule.

Habitually saying "yes" is just that: a habit. Once I recognized and broke the habit, the confidence I built in saying "no" was life-changing.  The respect I have for myself and my commitments is also observed by others. I realized that saying "no" to overcommitment is a sign of strength, not weakness.

When someone asks you for something, pause and consider this: if you say "yes," what else are you saying "no" to? Did you commit yourself to an early night or plans with friends? Remember that saying "no" is a sign of self-respect. Don't self-sabotage yourself by overcommitting and exhausting yourself. Be confident that by saying "no," you are respecting the "yes."